So I got hit by the inspiration today! (Which is rare nowadays…) But anyway, I wrote this one shot~
Atsumina as always, this time is entirely Takamina’s PoV
I hope you like it ><
By the way, the song I used is “Whispers in the Dark” by Skillet.
Hope you like it and you enjoy reading it~
Remember leave comments~ Thank you~
Total words: 2, 617
Warning: As Always Nonsense ahead :3 also sorry for the lack of vocabulary and/or any error OTL
Despite the lies that you’re making
Your love is mine for the taking
My love is just waiting
To turn your tears to roses
I know you’re lying but I’m a patient person. It hurts to see you like this and that I can’t make anything to cease the pain. We’ve been in AKB48 more than seven years and I can, confidently, say that I know you better than anyone, maybe even better than yourself.
And yet here I am, just a few meters away from you, hearing you sobbing as you got bashed by the press; hate from the antis, stress from your tight schedule and tiredness for the lack of rest. But I can’t do anything, can I? You always say, with a smile, that you’re fine, that this is the price for being famous and that you don’t regret it.
Why do you try to lie to me like that? It hurts more to be worried and hear you crying at nights due all those thoughts that cloud your mind. Can’t you see that I’m here, beside you? Can’t you see that you can lean on me and tell me the truth?
Though, if I’m honest, I do the same to her. I say lies to her. I say that I’m fine, that I will get over the scandals and what not. I’m a liar too, aren’t I?
AKB48’s ACE. The Center.
That’s what all the people calls you and you want to make honor to that name after you didn’t want it. I know you don’t want to disappoint any of our fans; I know that you took it as a challenge after thinking about it. But, deep inside, you hate it.
I want to lie down, next to you, and hug you and assure you that everything will be okay. I want to tell you that I’m here, that I support you. I want to tell you that I love you. But I can’t, at least I can’t confess my feelings towards you. I’m sure you know I support you and that you can count on me, I already told you that countless times; and yet, I’m afraid of losing you if I confess my feelings and you don’t feel the same.
I’m such a stupid person, I know, but what else can I do?
I don’t know how much time has passed but you seem to have calmed down. Sighing, I roll on the bed, facing down I hug my pillow and can’t stop the tears from falling.
I’m like you and yet, it hurts. It hurts so much, Atsuko.
I will be the one that’s gonna hold you
I will be the one that you run to
My love is a burning, consuming fire
We are friends, aren’t we? And friends support each other.
But how can I continue without you on the same group? How can I continue looking forward if I know that you won’t be there, giving me strength, holding my hand? Tell me, Atsuko. How can I continue without seeing you every day?
It hurts. But I can’t say it, can I? I will always support any of your decisions.
That’s why when you announced your graduation in front of all those people, even though I was crying my heart out, I placed my hand on your shoulder; to support you. That’s the reason why I hold you tightly against my body, hugging you without wanting to let you go. You always come to me, don’t you? You always run to my arms because you know you’re safe and calm.
But how can I make the pain leave my broken heart?
I can’t be selfish, not when it comes to you. I want you to be happy; and apparently, you’re not that happy anymore. You reached the point in which you want more challenges, you want to feel that excitement that you felt before, am I right?
AKB48 is popular now. We reached our dreams together, what’s left for you here? Absolutely nothing and I understand that.
But that love my heart is feeling will make me go crazy, you know? That love will be the death of me. And even after knowing you will leave me behind, I can’t tell you my feelings. I’m more scared than before.
But this love feels like is burning my heart. There’s a fire that I cannot extinguish; but I’m starting to feel lonely. It makes me remember all the things we did together, how we met, our laughs and our cries, our hard work and our day offs. Everything is coming back to me.
And I’m scared.
I’m scared of being alone.
You’ll never be alone
When darkness comes I’ll light the night with stars
Hear the whispers in the dark
You’ll never be alone
When darkness comes you know I’m never far
Hear the whispers in the dark
And the day came. Your graduation at the theater was drawing to its end and I was feeling worse than ever.
But we had a show to run; and I put that façade I hated to see in you, I smiled even when the tears were rolling down like pouring rain. Your last time in this theater, your last time in AKB48, OUR last time to be together as a Team but we knew this wasn’t the end of our friendship.
We talked about it and I assured you that we will see each other; that we will keep the contact even if our schedules won’t allow to be together; we will still call or email each other. That was our promise.
We promised to each other that we won’t leave the other alone, never. Because we will be there for each other, even in the darkest times and places we will bring light to our darkness, and together we’ll continue moving forward.
But it feels so cold now. I feel so lonely even after we saw each other a couple of times before. I can’t see through my own dark room and heart.
“Atsuko… Atsuko… I miss you…”
Crying is the only thing I do at nights, crying your name while hugging a pillow while my mind imagines it is you who I am hugging. I wonder if you could hear me. I wonder if my whispers can reach you. I wonder if the wind can carry all my feelings and deliver all of them to you, wherever you are.
I’m such a stupid person for turning down your offer of living together, aren’t I?
Even though I wanted to see you every day, I couldn’t just say yes. Because it would be a torture to my heart, seeing us will make my love rise to the limits; and I don’t know what I would be capable to do.
I should have just confessed you my feelings, right? That way, if you ended up hating me the pain will eventually fade; and if you ended up accepting them, right now I would be in a Nirvana of feelings.
But those are just ‘what ifs’. I can’t turn back the time, can I?
You feel so lonely and ragged
You lay here broken and naked
My love is just waiting
To clothe you in crimson roses
One day you called me, after months of not talking or seeing each other. You asked me if I had the day off and coincidentally I had the day off. You sounded weird and I got worried.
A few hours later you were in front of me and, even if your appearance wasn’t the best, it made my heart beat again.
I was worried too. Your eyes had deep black shadows clearly showing your lack of sleep. You were skinnier than before maybe due the stress. Were you eating well or were you skipping the meals because ‘you had no time’? I am betting on the last.
Your smile falter for a few seconds and my frown made its appearance. You noticed that I was getting worried and suddenly you throw yourself towards me. I hugged you back after a few seconds after the initial shock.
“Are you okay?” I asked whispering on your ear and you lied to me again, you nodded and hugged me tighter.
“I missed you” was your small answer.
“I missed you too, Atsuko” I hugged her tighter as possible. I missed her too much.
But soon your body started trembling and I felt something wet my shirt.
“I feel so lonely without you, Minami” God, she pronouncing my name felt so good. I missed her calling my name.
“You know you can always come here, right?” she nodded again, still with her head buried on my neck.
I could feel her nose almost rubbing my skin. I gulped and prayed to all the gods for help, so she can’t hear my heart beating so fast. Gently I took her chin in between my fingers and lift her head from her hiding spot; I wanted to see her eyes.
“You are not alone, Atsuko. I’m always here for you. I will always be here for you, taking caring of you, protecting you, calming you and…” I sighed “loving you”
Her tears started falling again; I cupped her cheeks with my palms and cleaned her tears with my thumbs. My body acted by itself and the salty and sweet taste of her lips, mixed together, sent me to heaven.
I will be the one that’s gonna find you
I will be the one that’s gonna guide you
My love is a burning, consuming fire
It hurts. I knew it would and yet I had to confess my feelings.
It really hurts seeing you with someone else. Who’s that guy anyway, Atsuko? When did you meet him? Why didn’t you tell me before?
I was haunted by my own thoughts, I was grumpy and pissed. I was out of myself. I wanted to punch someone’s face, that guy’s and especially my own face.
I also felt betrayed. Didn’t that kiss meant something to you, Atsuko? I wasn’t clear enough when after the kiss I declared my feelings?
Why? You don’t feel the same. At least that’s clear now.
And no, I didn’t get surprised when the news talked about that. I knew it a few days before them, I saw him kissing you in the park near you apartment.
I ran, ran till my lungs were burning. I ran until my legs gave up and I couldn’t stand by my own. I cried too, cried nights, cried between rehearsals, cried every time I was alone. I just cried until I couldn’t shed more tears.
And yet, here I am in your apartment. As if nothing had happened.
“How have you been, Acchan?” I see her halting her movements for a second and then taking her cup of tea in her hands.
“I’ve been fine, busy but fine” she smiled. You keep lying.
“I see” What else can I say? Why am I here anyway?
“I-I don’t know… w-what to do…” biting her lower lip she looked down. I knew what she meant, I knew her so well.
“The news will fade eventually, Acchan” I smiled, and here I go lying again.
Getting up from my seat I walked towards her and crouching down, I take the cup form her hands and I hold her hands tightly.
“It will be fine. You’ll be fine” I smiled and bending near her I cupped her face “Don’t listen to the bad comments. Don’t mind anyone’s opinions. Just follow your heart and be selfish. Just be you, Atsuko”
She sighed and closed her eyes. I stopped caressing her cheek and stood up, I was about to go back to the chair I was sitting before, when she grabbed my arm.
Surprised I looked back at her, standing up she pulled me near her body and hugged me tightly.
“I want to follow my heart…” she whispered on my ear, making me shiver “I want to… but… I’m scared… I’m so scared, Minami” she started crying and I realized that she was in the same state than me.
“I’m scared too… But it’s now your decision, Atsuko” I said caressing her head with my right hand and her back with the left “it was always your decision”
She pulled away just enough so we could see each other eyes. She caressing my cheeks with her thumbs felt so good that I closed my eyes.
And even though I was trying to get used to the idea that I will never be able to taste those lips again, I froze when her soft lips brushed against mine. For a minute I thought I was dreaming I wanted this moment to be a dream so I could stay with her like this forever.
Kissing her back earned me a soft moan and my mind shut down from that moment.
My burning heart spread its hot flames through my body and my lips against hers felt like heaven. I finally touched the clouds and I felt myself free again.
The light was back in my heart and world, the life and my confidence. I wasn’t feeling alone anymore and my love for her didn’t scare me anymore.
Because I know her heart is also burning inside. I can feel her hot breath and body and I bet she felt mine too.
I promised to be with her forever and that’s what I’m planning to do. I am feeling so strong that I don’t care about anyone’s opinion anymore.
“You have to be selfish too, Minami.” She said once we separated for the lack of air “You have to follow your heart and just be you” she placed her forehead on mine, her eyes were still closed and she lick her lips. “It was always your decision”
And she was right. It was always my decision to not confess, to be scared and to be a coward.
I don’t need the wind to carry my feelings, I don’t have to whisper her name, I don’t have to cry anymore and I just have to be brave enough.
“I want your love” I softly whispered and kissed her again. Placing all my love in that kiss, sealing the silent promise and for once, in my whole life, being selfish.
She smiled in between our kiss.
I moved in with her and she denied those dating rumors. She explained to me that he had feelings for her and that that kiss I saw him giving to her was a form of a goodbye to him.
But after a couple of months of going to dates, the press made their move. But now she was happy that the information was leaked; because without it and without the kiss he gave her, maybe now we would be still suffering our love in silence.
“What are you doing, Minami?” She asked me hugging me from behind and resting her chin over my head.
Pulling my earphones off of my ears after the song ended, I looked up and smiled.
She smiled back and leaned down kissing me.
“You don’t need to remember” she softly said on my ears “you have me here, right now.” She kissed my ear, making me shiver “I’m far better than the memories”
What can I say? She’s right.
I giggled, unfolding her arms and standing up. She looked at me with that teasing smile of hers, and I walked slowly towards her.
“Hai, you’re right” I said kissing her again.
“I love you” she said in between kissed
“I love you too” I replied back.